Lydia Wood
Mar 19, 2013 - 4:04 pm

Back when Gabriel and I first started to open up our relationship and become poly, we set up a few basic rules about dating. I’m sure every poly person will have different rules on what works best and how new people should be added to the poly family.

We decided that we would not go on first dates as a pair, it just seemed a little too intrusive and we weren’t unicorn hunting. But before a second date would happen the new person should be introduced to the rest of the group.

Also as primary partners we would have veto over who the other dated. This probably sounds a little extreme to some. But has only ever happened once and what most of you will be surprised to know it was me vetoing one of Gabriel’s dates. The girl in question was apparently already poly, and was getting on with Gabriel really well. But when it came down to meeting me, she just closed up completely. I even gave her two chances, once in our home town and once in hers. But obviously me and her weren’t destined to click.


At times Gabriel and I have vetoed are own rules, or simply speeded up the whole process. We have done this by the other being invited to attend the first date part way through, of course with the new person’s permission and obviously when it was going really well. This happened in the case of K. I met her towards the end of a coffee date with Gabriel, I was all dressed up for a steampunk fair and Gabriel had forgotten to tell K that I would be all dressed up. So I guess I made quite a first impression on her. She seemed lovely and the rest is history, Gabriel and K have been together ever since.

I would be interested in knowing what rules other poly people have put in place? How you make it work? What rules haven’t worked for you?